Does the handshake matter?
How to Handshake Basics
Palm Vertical to the ground and extending your arm forward as though you were sawing wood with a hand saw. It sends a message of greetings, I am here for you as you for me. We are equals.
Better Tilt your hand slightly so that your palm is pointing to the sky. This subtle body language message is humility and that you are there to help and to serve.
Palm Up I am here to serve you. It can also indicate when first offered, submission or take charge.
Palm Down This is the authoritative position. You are in charge or in authority. You are there to take the lead, to take care of things, to get the job done. However it can also indicate a controlling personality.
Hand in Hand Typically your greeter will offer a hand palm up and before shaking starts the second hand sandwiches yours. Sometimes given to show empathy as with the loss of a loved one.
It is also given when wanting to demonstrate concern or to convey that you’re with a caring individual. It seems to be a favorite of politicians.
It conveys familiarity. Do not use it unless you are close to the individual you do it with, you want to leave a bad impression or you are a politician.
The Middle Five Related to a high five, a mid five fanning of the hand will be offered from the right side of your greeter and will wave in almost as if to clap your hand and then ending in a traditional shake.
This is something you will only observe in men in their 20’s and younger.
Only engage in it if you are familiar or have become known to the person offering it. Remember, others around may note your gestures in this regard as well.
The Eyes Have It
Maintain eye contact while engaging in shaking hands. Nothing will communicate self confidence, sincerity, and camaraderie more than this one gesture.
The Pressure Is All Mine
The pressure applied in shaking a hand is relative to the culture your in.
In North America, a firm hand shake is appropriate. Make it stronger or weaker than a basic firm grasp and you will leave a negative impression.
Make Mine Dry
Some occasions cause stress and resulting sweaty palms. You won’t get a second chance at a first impression. If you're meeting and greeting after a speech, you will want to be remembered for your words and not wet hands.
If faced with this challenge, always carry a handkerchief with you to ensure you’re remembered for you and not a damp handshake. Use discretion and grace so that it is not noticed that you had to dry.
If you are enjoying a drink, hold it in the left hand until introductions are completed.
Wash your hands with soap and water and dry well prior to a meeting.
Keep your palms open and out of your pockets.
Other Types of Hand Shakes
Including those above there are other types of handshakes. Meanings are implied. Remember, there are no hard and fast rules here. Bottom line, what do you want to project about yourself.
If these have meaning or not, remember that someone may have read up on and imply meaning to your hand shake. So use good form.
Knuckle Bump or Fist Bump
If you were ever young, you probably remember treading into new territories of social norms with a bent toward nonconformity.
Well, today's youth have a new hand shake that, due to its nonconformity, is actually healthier than traditional handshakes.
It involves both parties making a fist and on meeting and greeting, the fist of each person will meet, knuckles to knuckles.
Before there is a meeting of the mind, there is a meeting of the hands.
Called the knuckle bump or the fist bump, according to a 2010 survey commissioned by Purell, two in five adults are resistant to shaking hands. The biggest fear, germs.
More importantly, 4 out of 5 said that they shake hands less. and almost half of North Americans have chosen the knuckle bump, also known as fist bump, over a traditional hand shake.
Yep, I have even seen a group of writers, all over 65 who knuckle bumped each other at their meeting and greeting each other. And this was in the quite conservative North East Pennsylvania.
The slightly older but still from younger generations is the wide five. As if giving each other a middle five hand slap, the hands wave in from the side in a wide arch. When the hands meet, rather than a slap, there is a more traditional shake.
Remember, these are going to be the new movers and shakers.
Even better, the meeting of the hands is safe, effective, does not spread germs nearly as much as a traditional shaking of hands and is, well, not too weird for older generations. Weird as in fraternity hand shakes.
The Standard Hand Shake
A typical hand shake as described above. Hands are engaged and eye contact made, smiles are exchanged and two to four shakes.
Using Good Form
Raise your hand from your side and extend until webs of both hands meet. Grasp across the palm wrapping fingers around the opposite side from the thumb.
Hold firmly.
Shake a few times or for about three or four seconds.
What if your hands are full? Rather than risk dropping everything, give a polite nod is considered acceptable. If the other person’s hands are full, be kind and don’t offer a hand shake. Your discernment will be noted and appreciated.
If wearing gloves, remove them.
It is customary to stand if you’re caught in an introduction seated.
The Lingering Hand Shake
A standard hand shake with an extra few shakes and holding on for just a few seconds. I find this often happens when old friends meet or with a good bye to someone dear. Between business people, it gives a bit of a chance to communicate positive thoughts.
The Push Off
At the end of the shake, your hand is pushed away. It is subtle but it could be read as a negative message.
The Pull In
The hand shakes results in one pulling the other closer. It speaks of a controlling body language.
The Superior
If offered first palm down, it indicates superiority. It is the body language of a controlling person.
The Lesser
If offered first, palm up, it could indicate humility and being there to serve.
The Finger Cruncher
Rather than grasping across the palm, the fingers are grasped and crushed. It can be painful. The person who does the finger cruncher will say they cant judge their strength but if you watch, they will not shake a woman's hands the same way. It is almost as if it is sport to give pain.
The Bone Cruncher
Much like the finger cruncher, the same vice like grip is around the hand.
The Palm Pincher
This is usually from a woman, and only a few fingers and thumb grasp the palm for the shake.
The Twister
This may start off as a normal shake but ends up with one twisting and putting the other on top. Sometimes it is incorporated with a pull in. It speaks of a controlling personality.
The Dead Fish
This is a cold, sometimes wet, unemotional shaking of hands. It is the definition of apathy.
Mastering the standard hand shake can help you progress in your career. Don’t get hung up on what it all means unless it is what it could mean about you and the personality you’re projecting.
If others judge you, may your hand shake improve the impression you leave.
One Last Thought
Do not forget the cultural differences from around the world. It would be improper for a woman to offer her hand to some sects of the Jewish Faith.
In some countries, it is normal for men to walk down the street holding hands. Nothing more is meant nor is happening other than they are good friends.
Which of the following more closely resembles your handshake style?
1. Firm and brief
Conveys confidence, assertiveness and professionalism. The person using this handshake is neither shy nor neurotic and is generally perceived to be trustworthy and willing to listen. A firm handshake provides the opportunity for a favorable first impression, it suggests a person who is knowledgeable and possesses excellent social skills. There are instances where stereotypes elicit a negative evaluation, such as when women's behavior is similar to men's. In the case of a firm handshake however, a woman is always seen as being confident and decisive.
2. A real "shake", up-and-down or sideway movements (AKA the jackhammer handshake or "pumper")
Most likely an open and outgoing person who has the habit of being warm and pleasant to everybody. An overly eager handshake shows power, determination and the desire to remain in control of situations. If exaggerated, the handshake can make people appear inflexible and it can also reveal insecurity, a person who doesn't know when to quit.
3. The knuckle cruncher (AKA bone crusher)
The knuckle cruncher usually wants to express a message of power and intimidation. For those people who want to cover up their feelings of insecurity this handshake may be used to keep others at a distance. When faced with this handshake do not appear submissive. It may serve your purpose however, to be accommodating and regardful of these people. There are also cases where the person is being sincere. However while the intention may be to convey warmth, the impression created is definitely that of a person who is high strung and lacks sensitivity. Regardless of the intentions involved, people will remember this handshake and draw lasting impressions.
4. The lingering handshake (AKA the prison handshake)
Sometimes people keep your hand in their hand for too long and seem to not want to give it back. This may denote reliability and trustworthiness or it may suggest that the person hasn't revealed all of his/her cards. It may also mean that the person is expecting something more that what was agreed upon. Therefore, in order to interpret this handshake, it would be necessary to go with instinct, or examine other body language as well. Interestingly, in the case of a lingering handshake, few people try to pull their hand away. It seems that the act of being physically connected causes their boldness to fade.
5. Light and brief finger-tip grips (AKA the limp or dead fish hand shaker)
Someone who is not interested in building rapport and wants to escape the greeting ritual as soon as possible. This person is perceived to be passive and reserved, without the interest and energy required to complete people focused tasks. This type of handshake indicates a lackluster personality and usually draws a lasting impression. If however, the handshake is done with a direct look into the other person's eyes, it can indicate the potential for further development.
6. Use both hands (AKA hand sandwich or the politician's handshake or used car salesman shake)
A result of an eagerness to convey a message. This is the favorite handshake of politicians because it implies a quick sincerity and intimacy. It is open to interpretation whether the person is trying to sell something that's not really there, or is someone who is genuine and agreeable. If it is decided that the person is hoping to secure a favor, note that the higher the other hand (from the wrist to the neck), the greater the manipulation and control.
7. Teacup (AKA the lobster claw)
Like the claw of a lobster, the other person’s thumb and fingers touch the palm of the hand and there is no palm-to-palm contact. Timid and insecure, this person fears connecting at a deep level and may face challenges building relationships. This handshake may also indicate that the person is hiding something.
8. Won't initiate a handshake
This person will only react to the other party's first move. In a case such as this, the person may be objecting to a situation, however if this behavior is consistent, the person may be hesitant and reserved by nature. Cultural norms dictate that the older person or the person with the highest stature should initiate a handshake. If you have roughly the same age and position with the other person then offering a handshake is a way of portraying yourself as a confident person.
9. Pat the other person's arm or shoulder while engaged in a handshake
May reveal a sense of superiority. Depending on the person's social position this handshake can be a sincere effort to show understanding or it can be an attempt to belittle someone. This type of handshake is sometimes used between friends of long standing and consequently can portray false sincerity when the relationship is more superficial. Depending on the vibes that you receive, be mindful and aware, especially in situations where you need to place your trust.
10. The stiff-arm thrust (AKA next-to-the-body handshake)
Keeping the arm close to the body while bending it at the elbow, this handshake is used by people who do not want to take risks. It can also act as a defense mechanism for people who feel a threat to their territory, and tends to be used by aggressive people who want to keep others at a distance.
Conveys confidence, assertiveness and professionalism. The person using this handshake is neither shy nor neurotic and is generally perceived to be trustworthy and willing to listen. A firm handshake provides the opportunity for a favorable first impression, it suggests a person who is knowledgeable and possesses excellent social skills. There are instances where stereotypes elicit a negative evaluation, such as when women's behavior is similar to men's. In the case of a firm handshake however, a woman is always seen as being confident and decisive.
2. A real "shake", up-and-down or sideway movements (AKA the jackhammer handshake or "pumper")
Most likely an open and outgoing person who has the habit of being warm and pleasant to everybody. An overly eager handshake shows power, determination and the desire to remain in control of situations. If exaggerated, the handshake can make people appear inflexible and it can also reveal insecurity, a person who doesn't know when to quit.
3. The knuckle cruncher (AKA bone crusher)
The knuckle cruncher usually wants to express a message of power and intimidation. For those people who want to cover up their feelings of insecurity this handshake may be used to keep others at a distance. When faced with this handshake do not appear submissive. It may serve your purpose however, to be accommodating and regardful of these people. There are also cases where the person is being sincere. However while the intention may be to convey warmth, the impression created is definitely that of a person who is high strung and lacks sensitivity. Regardless of the intentions involved, people will remember this handshake and draw lasting impressions.
4. The lingering handshake (AKA the prison handshake)
Sometimes people keep your hand in their hand for too long and seem to not want to give it back. This may denote reliability and trustworthiness or it may suggest that the person hasn't revealed all of his/her cards. It may also mean that the person is expecting something more that what was agreed upon. Therefore, in order to interpret this handshake, it would be necessary to go with instinct, or examine other body language as well. Interestingly, in the case of a lingering handshake, few people try to pull their hand away. It seems that the act of being physically connected causes their boldness to fade.
5. Light and brief finger-tip grips (AKA the limp or dead fish hand shaker)
Someone who is not interested in building rapport and wants to escape the greeting ritual as soon as possible. This person is perceived to be passive and reserved, without the interest and energy required to complete people focused tasks. This type of handshake indicates a lackluster personality and usually draws a lasting impression. If however, the handshake is done with a direct look into the other person's eyes, it can indicate the potential for further development.
6. Use both hands (AKA hand sandwich or the politician's handshake or used car salesman shake)
A result of an eagerness to convey a message. This is the favorite handshake of politicians because it implies a quick sincerity and intimacy. It is open to interpretation whether the person is trying to sell something that's not really there, or is someone who is genuine and agreeable. If it is decided that the person is hoping to secure a favor, note that the higher the other hand (from the wrist to the neck), the greater the manipulation and control.
7. Teacup (AKA the lobster claw)
Like the claw of a lobster, the other person’s thumb and fingers touch the palm of the hand and there is no palm-to-palm contact. Timid and insecure, this person fears connecting at a deep level and may face challenges building relationships. This handshake may also indicate that the person is hiding something.
8. Won't initiate a handshake
This person will only react to the other party's first move. In a case such as this, the person may be objecting to a situation, however if this behavior is consistent, the person may be hesitant and reserved by nature. Cultural norms dictate that the older person or the person with the highest stature should initiate a handshake. If you have roughly the same age and position with the other person then offering a handshake is a way of portraying yourself as a confident person.
9. Pat the other person's arm or shoulder while engaged in a handshake
May reveal a sense of superiority. Depending on the person's social position this handshake can be a sincere effort to show understanding or it can be an attempt to belittle someone. This type of handshake is sometimes used between friends of long standing and consequently can portray false sincerity when the relationship is more superficial. Depending on the vibes that you receive, be mindful and aware, especially in situations where you need to place your trust.
10. The stiff-arm thrust (AKA next-to-the-body handshake)
Keeping the arm close to the body while bending it at the elbow, this handshake is used by people who do not want to take risks. It can also act as a defense mechanism for people who feel a threat to their territory, and tends to be used by aggressive people who want to keep others at a distance.
